Entry 2: Vulnerability

Vulnerability is an emotion we often mask and avoid at all costs. The word “vulnerability” itself, is frightening, as you can physically feel the fear creeping up your spine. Did you cringe when you heard the word, the word that contains so much heaviness, that it begins to weigh tons, the longer it is ignored? Did you feel the chills? You don't even want to read this anymore because you start to feel uncomfortable. This word refers to physical or emotional potential for harm, but I am focusing on the emotional aspect of it. It is an emotion that most of us avoid because it is also a sign of weakness, or so an abundance of the population may think.

However; I believe that once you truly accept vulnerability, will you find another part of yourself that you had shoved deep into your subconscious, a part of yourself that you knew was missing, which made up a great chunk of who you are. Once we accept that there is nothing wrong with crying, allowing ourselves to feel the emotions that we so desperately need to get out of our system, and stop denying that we are not okay; to finally rely on others, only then, will the real progress finally begin to mold you into a healthier human being, capable of growth.

Only when we consent to the ability to process and transform our sorrows and pains into something less significant, will we learn from those hardships and begin to grow from that experience. With each troubling experience we grow stronger, better, and wiser. We learn to find someone to confide in and in doing so, we develop superior relationships because we are sharing each others' anguish. As we lean on each other for support, we find the people who we confide in to become more like family, because it is as if they experienced the pain and burden with you. You may not even realize the weight that you have been carrying on your shoulders, until it is relived and put out in the open.

You do not even realize how much it was holding you back, how much of yourself you lost pretending to be something that you were not. You are able to breathe and realize that it was senseless how much control one word had over you. Nobody likes to be vulnerable and open to pain; it is not fun to relive the torment. Your past shapes you and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We all go through hardships, but we have to talk about them because they do not make you who you are; instead, they are triumphs that you crushed because you are still alive and resilient. Be proud of your agony and do not let your past define who you are, because the more you bring it up, the less weight those words hold.

You begin to feel less pained when speaking about your vulnerable past, and in doing so, make you stronger than those who cower under the blanket of their troubles. In the end you won. Now your past does not define who you are in the present. Why keep reliving your past when the present and future hold so much reward? You are so young, do not waste these precious years trying to change the past? It got you to where you are, and it taught you valuable lessons. Learn from these trials, and begin to grow. What did you learn? Didn't it make you who you are today? You deserve to be happy, just as much as the next person. Do not live in regret, embrace the past and move forward.