Cultural Clash

Who do you chose? How can you be one, but not the other? They are both who you are. Why do you feel like you have two ropes attached to each arm, like you are being ripped apart? Why do you feel so much confliction, anxiety, and guilt when you make choice, a choice that your parents would scorn? Why is a choice that makes you so happy, one that makes you want crumble into dust and cease to exist? It makes you want to disappear. Why does life have to be so complicated? You wish you were like all of your other American friends, ones that do whatever they please and have their parents' approval? They would never understand your situation, so you feel more alone than ever before.

What am I talking about? Imagine your parents coming to a new country, but they did not come empty handed. Your entire life, they will drill you with do's and do nots. That in the culture, that was not how things were done. Follow the religion, or you will go to hell. School is to come first. You do not need friends, they will not pay you or your future families's bills. You do not need sports; it is a waste of time. You are a girl so you can not do the things that your brothers do. They can go to sleepovers, be out all night, jump the fence, ride a bike, get more money, ride a skate board etc... How do we not resent our parents for these actions?

Do they even hear our voice? Do they even care? At the end of the day.....all that matters is face. How will everyone else from the family/culture look at them if they let their kids do whatever they please? Our happiness does not matter to them. We do not feel loved, a rift begins to fabricate. We can not open up to them, and we begin to lie about our lives. The relationship altogether is just for show; you became keen at keeping up the role. They want us in school or married. Who cares about anything else? Who cares if you feel suffocated and trapped? Who cares if you lost your right to speak of free will, because your voice is lost in what is right and what is wrong? Why does it matter how you want to live your life?

In the end you had a difficult time growing up. A silent cry and unfortunate acceptation to having someone else make life decisions for you. You lose so much more than you could have imagined. When you finally enter the real world, things are not so crystal clear. Nobody is going to tell you what to do, and suddenly, you have this new onset of fear... What do you do now? You make a lot of mistakes, mistakes that could have been avoided, had you had the right guidance and nurturing growing up.

Somewhere a long the lines, pieces of yourself that made you who you were are now gone. The toxic living environment destroyed the happy, joyful, and free spirited child that made you unique, made you who you are. Now you are lost... Now uncovering and morphing those pieces back together, is one of the more wearisome tasks of your life. Now you are on a mission to figure out who you are. Which pieces scattered around, make you who you are? You are both an American and another culture. That makes you unique. At one point you may have been embarrassed about who you were, but now you have embraced what makes you different.

It is possible to be both, however you should decide for yourself which of these things make you happy. You should not have to agree with everything your parents have taught you, because face it or not, times have changed. We do not live in the same era as them; therefore, we do not need to follow everything to a "T." They may be super religious, but you are not. They may be very into the culture, but you are not. Perhaps you are like me, somewhere in the middle. You believe certain things to be true, while others absolutely ridiculous. I have found a happy medium, and forced my parents to accept me as I am.